“your friend is hot” story of my life
(Source: cumbersome11, via life-of-a-jedi)
giving birth is essentially just like pooping except out a different hole
are your poops covered in blood and start screaming and crying
only after i eat mexican food
olé
omg
(via life-of-a-jedi)
If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night, the rice will attract Asians who will fix your electronics for you.
fuck
(via life-of-a-jedi)
yesterday my friend told me that black people wear shorts underneath their pants bc they never kno when they r gonna play basketball
(via life-of-a-jedi)
sometimes i see dudes on the internet like “ya i have a 10 inch dick” and then i eat a 6 inch subway sandwich and im looking at this sandwich and its like..idk how almost double that would be a good thing my vagina winces at the thought
it was 4am and i compared a penis to a sandwich
(via bri-slut)
hello 911 yes i’d like to report a murder
this bitch killed my vibe
(via maxterbate)
january 2013: this shall be my year
may 2013: well, shit
(via -infuckti0n)
