Bro, that gillyweed was sick.
“your friend is hot” story of my life
giving birth is essentially just like pooping except out a different hole
are your poops covered in blood and start screaming and crying
only after i eat mexican food
If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night, the rice will attract Asians who will fix your electronics for you.
yesterday my friend told me that black people wear shorts underneath their pants bc they never kno when they r gonna play basketball
so i just spent ages looking at photo bombing animals
sometimes i see dudes on the internet like “ya i have a 10 inch dick” and then i eat a 6 inch subway sandwich and im looking at this sandwich and its like..idk how almost double that would be a good thing my vagina winces at the thought
it was 4am and i compared a penis to a sandwich
hello 911 yes i’d like to report a murder
this bitch killed my vibe